Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Well not what I intended but....

This entry is not exactly what I had planned for today, actually the original entry for today I composed yesterday, but then this morning I had a change of heart and had to think of something that somebody said to me yesterday, something that I personally take as one of the biggest compliments, because I know how hard it is to feel like that about somebody and how hard it is to find a person like that. I have had long conversations about this with a friend a while ago and we both agreed that it's not easy to come by people like that very often, and that some people, no matter how close they are to you, will never become those people, and that some people have been like that and all of a sudden your eyes opened and you wonder where all this came from and why and well, some people lost that status of being quite quickly. I am by nature a private person, for me to write things out here on a blog is huge, and well I have learnt that people no matter who they are, take away from it what they want and can, whatever they do with it, I have no control over, though that's a little bit frightening, but then on the other hand, if I don't want to write about something I just don't. My blog was always thought of as my private diary, with my likes and dislikes, vents and rants, happy and sad thoughts, just things that are on my mind and things I have done, just as a reminder. For me to share my most inner thoughts and most private issues and problems with somebody, I have to feel safe. Safe people to me are people in my life, that I can trust with my most inner thoughts, people who don't judge even if they might not understand my motivation or rationality behind things, people who are there to listen and talk to, about everything and anything, without having to censor my words, because they could be interpreted the wrong way. People I can be myself around. For me safe people are people that are good for me, people that drive emotional and character growth. I have had and I still do have a few not safe people in my life, that have deeply wounded me, have abandoned me or taken advantage of me. In the process I had lost my personal values and my sense of security, all in the quest of nurturing, love and acceptance. Took me a long time to get to this point, so yesterday when I had a long conversation with one of my friends at the DSC, I took it as a very big compliment when she just said " I feel so safe with you!" and it made me very proud of the person I am and I guess it takes one to know one. :) . I am sure so grateful for all the "safe people" in my life, and trust me there are only a few that hold that honour  and status in my life. And I treasure each and every one of them.


Sharon said...

Hi Tina!
I am half asleep, but wanted to see what you were up to. I'm glad somebody made you feel good about yourself. It's nice once in a while getting a compliment.
My DH actually whistled at me this morning when I got ready to go eat with our son - made me feel good - he seldom has any reaction to how I look.
I hope you are sawing logs by now and having good dreams!

Joan said...

A great compliment to you! 'Safe friends' are indeed special!

Tina said...

Well you should know that Joan....since you are one of the special ones!