Thursday, May 13, 2010
Why can't anything ever just be easy for me? Why can't I get eased into a new role, why does it seem always like I am thrown in front of the wolves, in this case groups of people? I know it's not intentionally, it's just how the cookie crumbles, but I am thinking at times maybe that's one reason I am so terrified of all this so much, because I never really get a trial run on things, I never get to try different approaches or different techniques, I am always right in the middle of the fire and then just go into survival mode. Well yesterday at the DSC was no different. Surprisingly I had a very good night sleep the night before, and I was for me very calm and confident that I can master this this time around. Even all the way there I was not really thinking about it too much, at least not in a fearful way. I was a little nervous, but hey nothing like a healthy dose of nervousness to keep you grounded, but I was very confident and then I pulled into the driveway of the DSC. Holy Shit! I wanted to turn around immediately, well officially I wasn't on duty yet for at least 30 minutes, but hey I am not one to abandon ship when others need help so I went straight to work. What sent me right into a spin was there was a bus load of seniors. Ok I have to admit I have my way with seniors, always have from the time I was a teenager, not for nothing did my dad take me on all the day trips he had organized for retired teachers. Thank heavens we had our own tour guide onsite, as the group was expected and she took over the tour through the DSC. After that little bit of craziness, our tour guide left, and it was a slow morning as it was freezing cold out there. Next shocker to my system, another group, that was not expected at all, it was a grade 3 class, and it was only Ruth, Cate and me, so I had to buy Ruth some time to give her a chance to set up the class room, and well once they were all taken care of and mingling in the barnyard, there was another surprise group. Talk about being thrown into my nightmares full force. I am not one to speak in front of a group, I rather die than do that, but here I was again, I couldn't wait for three o clock to arrive. As I am driving home and trying not really think about the day I was ok, my emotional breakdown just came way later that evening, and phew, I guess I try this again in two weeks. I can't wait to be back in my more comfortable role as the store clerk...lol....this is what my nightmares are made of.....me in front of group where everybody hangs on every word you say....arrrrghhhhhh! But like always I survived, not pretty but made it through it and I will try my best again soon, and that's really all I can do.