Over my lifetime so far I have mastered many tasks, mastered many obstacles, made many choices, right and wrong, found my way, lost my way, fell and got back up, not all was with style and pretty, some things left scares that seem to be not healing well, some things I just dusted off and moved forward, I sucked up a lot of things, and swallowed my pride a few times, I did things I am ashamed of, things I am not particularly proud of, things that made me smile and things that made me cry, I sought help and I was stubborn doing it my way and my way only, I have lived in my protective shell to keep me safe from who knows what. I have been lonely and just alone, there are things about me as a person, that I don't particularly like and try to master a different way, not personality flaws, but more behavioural deficits. Mainly there are two big issues in my life, that have plagued me as a child, all through my teenage years, as young adult to as an adult and now mature adult, things I think I should have under control by now and that shouldn't cause me so much pain at any given time. "Issues" ( I like to call them that) that I am tired of having. Funny thing is people don't see that in me and that makes it even harder, because it makes me feel like such a fake at times, because I don't see myself the way you might see me. Does anybody know what I mean? So since human behaviour always has been an interest of mine I have read plenty of books and secretly always hoped I would come across that would resonate with me and maybe help me. There have been some things that I could and have applied to my life, but still the issues remained. Well the one is not really an issue, it's more a personality trait that ends up in behaviour that I would love to change, but that is a little bit harder to deal with, because it is just how I am and I can't change my personality nor would I want to. I have talked about a certain book in one of my older entries, that really helped me see me as I am and finally accept that that's just how it is. Now the other issue is really an issue and a big one, and the other day I found a book, well actually two, but the one is like the words came out of my mouth, every word written in it I have had swirling through my head all my life, wow...sure hope this will bring some light on how to deal with this issue. Woo hoo. The other one, I call it my little book with amazing power, power to understand the issue and dealing with it. Finally... well I sure hope the things I have learnt will stick with me. But I won't find out until the next trigger unleashes it's forces.
Somewhere I read that it's not about finding yourself, but it is about creating yourself....well I am creating the ME and I am still work in progress.....here is the best ME I can be.