Why can't I pull up my big girl panties?

OMG, what the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just snap out of it this time? Why can't I pull up my big girl panties past my knees? Well things have gotten so out of control and crazy in my head that I contacted my friend "J" last night as a last resort, oddly enough when I wanted to congratulate her last summer to her wedding I couldn't figure out my password nor my username for our private emails, since I haven't used it for a couple of years, I couldn't even get a new password because I couldn't answer the secret question, but last night first try I got username and password right ...go figure, sometimes things just have a funny way of working out. It was rather late at night that I emailed her and wasn't even sure if it was still a valid address nor if she was still at that office, but within half an hour I had a reply and we set up a meeting for today. I felt somewhat good about that, even though I knew it will be a long drawn out process and the same old same old things will be rehashed. So after work I got on the way to our meeting. She has moved from Toronto out to Erie Lake, and wow what a beautiful nice little place they have, right on the lake, breathtaking, instantly being there so calming and reminded me of a day in the late fall when I was in Long Point with a friend. Just so peaceful and relaxing, something about being near water. We caught up on life happenings and what was going on and it was hard to talk at times, but we have such a history together, she knows me pretty well and has me figured out fast. Wish dealing with the issues would be half as fast, but sometimes I even doubt that I ever really will. Time will tell, time sure doesn't heal any wounds.