Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Pull 'em up!

Wow that must have been the shortest 1 1/2 hrs I have ever spent in the basement, the time just flew by this morning, maybe because I was trying to keep up with the running thoughts in my head, but I was still 3 minutes behind myself and exhausted. I hate when my brain just races like that, usually I try to drown thoughts then out by having the music so loud blasting into my ears that it is hard to concentrate on anything, but somehow the stupid thoughts kept finding a few holes to seep right through again. Usually I try to shut that voice up by shoving chocolate down her throat, but not going there, actually don't feel like eating right now at all, which is a good thing. I hate when I wake up from a dream and the dream felt so real and then after being up a few minutes, you realize it was just that ...a dream. Well I dreamt that I was sitting at the computer checking my balance on my account and all my money was back in there,every single penny that was owed to me and i was just having a great time paying of all my bills and finally having this burden of my back....shit then reality sets in when I checked my balance this morning, still hovering at 56 Dollars...woo hoo, well at least that is still there. Besides that a few other things occupied my ever racing mind. I hate when no matter how much you have changed and worked on yourself, and no matter how much you are so much better than years ago, there are always little reminders poking through, that tell out you are not quite there yet... I guess that is a good thing and keeps us growing and wanting to be better than the day before, but somehow it's a little freaky when this happens, but I think it's time to pull up my big girl panties, and deal with it and handle it the way I know I can handle it, so skinny bitch inside...just shut up! We are doing it my way this time, so there......:) Now I feel better.

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