Saturday, December 13, 2008

Are you Martha or Maxine?

MARTHA:Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
MAXINE:Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lyin g on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

MARHA:To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
MAXINE:Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

MARTHA:When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
MAXINE:Go to the bakery, they'll even decorate it for you!

MARTHA:If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'
MAXINE:If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'

MARTHA:Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
MAXINECelery? Never heard of it!

MARTHA:Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
MAXINE:The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't.

MARTHA:Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
MAXINE:Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

MARHA:If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
MAXINE:Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

MARTHA:Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
MAXINE:Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!

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