I will gain more understanding when I realize...
each person has an experience of the experience they are having.
In life, certain people will impersonate understanding. They will smile at you. They will assure you that everything is just fine. They will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. They may even say,"Yes! I understand!" Yet, when the moment comes for a demonstration of understanding, what you will get is misinterpretation, misrepresentation, miscommunication, and you will probably get blamed for the misunderstanding. Certain people will impersonate compassion and concern. They will have you convinced that they have your best interest at heart. However when the moment calls for a demonstration of compassion and concern, what you will experience is abandonment, betrayal, rejection, insensitivity, abuse and neglect.
Do not be alarmed! Do not be shocked! Be aware that we all have different experiences and different definitions of the same experience. What we hear, do and expect in life is always based on our own personal experiences. When we interact with others, we must understand and expect that we may not be on the same page or in the same book of experiences. Unless we take the time to gain clarity in the beginning, we may find ourselves in the company of experience impostors at the end.
Until today, you may have assumed that just because they say so, others know what you know, feel what you feel and will do what you do. Just for today, be devoted to putting forth the effort and energy required to gain clarity at the beginning of all relationships. Define your words, identify your expectations. Clarify what you are saying and what you understand about what is being said and what is expected from you.
(Taken from July 1 in "Until today" by Iyanla Vanzant)