*Oh man this one totally came out left field, I sure didn't see that coming, I had hoped that one would have enough time to do things on their terms, not be blindsided like that. When I was searched out like that on all ways of communication, I knew it wasn't a good thing. I nervously returned the phone call and I listened to the whole spiel with open ears, I was waiting for the bomb to drop, waiting for my name to come up...but nothing... I knew the person on the other line had a hard time getting her words out, and as I listened I hung on every word...looks like restructuring has yet cost an amazing person her job. What a shame, I have never known anybody who did so much, so effectively with so much pride. Wow this was a shocker and left me speechless for pretty much the rest of Wednesday. Arrrghhh!!!
* What a difference a few days can make, I think I am finally at peace with everything and found closure and got answers to things that had still occupied my mind, now I can put these things to rest too. For all intense purposes, for the first time in a long time, I can be totally myself and be happy about it, nobody I have to please or tread carefully around, out of fear they might get their knickers in a knot. Or listen to their down grading remarks, because they are so perfect and handle everything just perfectly. I still hear the disgust in their voice when I confided in them. Not sure why I felt I could, because I had been burnt many a times, but oh well I did. Oddly enough they were quick to jump on the ban wagon, even though it didn't pertain to them at all. Not sure why one would do that? One should have counted their blessings at that point, I know I would have and not tried to create my own drama just to not feel left out. I would have given anything to be left out of this. It amazes me that people who rely on others so heavily have the nerve to criticize those people, kind of like biting the hand that feeds you. If I expected others to do things for me, I would be darn nice to them, but then I wouldn't expect anything from others to begin with. I might have had a hard time asking for help, but sure don't expect people to do for me...and if there is one thing I have learnt over the last few years is that there is no shame in asking for help and admitting your weaknesses, after all we can't all be good at everything, and most of the time people are eager and willing to help or give advise/ guidance. No one is perfect and I feel bad for those who think they are, because it's like having to wear a mask and having to pretend all the time. It's a very tiring and painful way of being, I know I have been there before, a long time ago, the costs for that are just too high.It's just so much easier and fun to be yourself and being liked for that or not.
*Going between two extremes it's hard to find the middle ground to stay afloat. One extreme, being micromanaged, the other given no direction what so ever. Makes you really wonder how managers become managers and how they actually manage their jobs. Again, it's not rocket science. There is one unpleasantry I still have to handle and I will start by having a meeting with one of our board members, thankfully she is one of us and in her profession she has handled the big wigs on the highest levels, so I am sure we will give it a good effort to pound some sense into people lol..
*Having new wind in my sails I will try to put equal effort in all of my jobs. The objective will be different in each one of them, but I will try to find my trust in humanity again, I have no problem taking care of my donkeys, but people, it's a little bit harder. Having the friends I have it's a good start to liking people again too and I am so blessed to have all these amazing women in my life. I really just haven't given it much thought let alone even a chance.
*There are a few things that have been in my blood for as long as I can remember, things that I always wanted to do, one is doing charity work and the other one is doing things with people from different countries. Strangely enough it has come up the other day in a meeting and it definitely sparked my interest. Being an immigrant myself, even though I hold a Canadian passport now, I still classify myself as an immigrant, because you know as soon as I open my mouth I am not a Canadian....(from the Islands maybe or even Boston, that's what I get a lot lol not really sure why) there are things you just don't understand unless you have been in those shoes. And I am not saying I have been in their shoes, because most immigrants come here to make a better life for themselves, to give their children a better chance at life and that's for sure not one reason I came for nor would I understand what that means for them, especially since there are even more differences for them, like e,g. culture, but I understand what it's like to give up friends, family, familiarity etc, and starting new in a foreign country.Working at the location I have been working at for the last year a lot of immigrant children visit our pre-school programs, and it is just amazing how eager they are to learn the language and how easy it actually is for them at that age. I never forget the little East Indian boy we had last year, omg he stole my heart with his big black eyes and the biggest smile on his face every time he showed up. When he started he didn't speak one word of English but by the end of the session he was the loudest and proudest singer of our good morning song, it was priceless, not sure if he understood every word he belted out, but he sure sang his little heart out. It was such a joy to watch and listen to. So that would definitely be something I would be interested in getting more involved in. I also have added two things to my "Bucket list", both of them require the same things, but are yet as different as night an day. I hope reaching these things before my big 50 in a couple of years, gives me the incentive to work hard at the physical and financial requirements. Well winning the lottery would take care of the financial part, but I still would have to work hard at being fit enough to do them. Wow, just to even think about them....can't even remember the last time I dared or felt like dreaming about things. Things sure had sucked the life out of me.
*My mind still wanders/wonders...too...Funny how one thought triggers another and then another and then another and all of a sudden you are miles away from your original thought, sometimes it comes back to full circle but most of the time it's just out there. I got an email the other day, that made me very happy and I thought to myself...well look at that....nice to be seen that way...then from that thought it went to my dad, to whom I give credit to for all those values and principles that he install in us, by leading by example, from there it went to my dad's funeral and me going home for it, which was a very dramatic event for me, but that's beside the point, nor does anybody really know how I felt about that whole incident, after all it was about my dad and not me getting lost in the shuffle again, from there it went to moving to Canada and it just went on and on and on. Not really sure where I ended up at, but it just always amazes me how that goes, how fast you can go from being happy to depressed or sad, and it's just a thought away. So we should carefully choose our thoughts, as they direct our life in so many ways.