I guess I too didn't see that coming...

Ha ha, sorry for stealing your title from the other day, but I just couldn't come up with a better one. Originally I had planned a completely different entry for today, but then I was so taken by surprise at what had happened, that I do have to get it out of my system so it will not harbour any more ill effects. It was a little painful getting all the knives out of my back, but I made it through the procedure fairly ok, besides feeling the chill behind my back, and at every turn the typical glare, I tried  and succeeded in not  getting sucked into it and leaned heavily on my sidekick that very moment. Actually I was surrounded by people that I know care about me and my well being, so it really didn't bother me at that specific moment that much, except for having an uneasy feeling. After some people had left, I finally got out of my chair and slowly moved down the hall way. I had to stop a few times, because my body was just not going where I wanted it to go, well actually I didn't want to go anywhere, but I had no choice and along I went, by the time I got to the door, my anxiety was at an all time high, I had a hard time breathing, I could feel my heart almost jumping out of my chest it was pounding that hard, I was shaking, I felt like I was going to be sick, I was hot and cold all at the same time.  I thought I was going to die. I finally reached my car and just sat there for a while trying to catch my breath, driving home I wasn't sure if it was the rain hitting the window or my eyes that made everything blurry, I still couldn't breath and tried hard to slow my breathing down. When I got finally home, I just sat there and let it all out....not a pretty picture, but it made me feel better. lol...Wow, not fair how that was sprung on me, if I would have known that I might not have shown up at all. But well it didn't kill me, so I guess I will get stronger from it, but on the other hand, I am tired of dealing with shit that wasn't mine to deal with in the first place, or at least not to that extend, that I now have to fix it and work twice as hard to make it better or go away.