Thursday, June 03, 2010

Dear Cats (and/or dogs)

I found this at work the other day on the Wellness board. I copied it and brought it home and posted it very low on the refrigerator door, but first I read it out loud to all my cats, while they were assembled on the living room rug.

Dear Cat (and/or dogs),
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it, becoming your food and your dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help either because I fall faster than you can run.

I can not buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years- feline (/canine) attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other cat's (or dog's) butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Your Owner


jayne@~an eye for threads~ said...

How perfect is that?

Louise said...

Love it!

Sharon said...

A lot of that can be for kids as well, especially the bathroom door part! (Not that they have tails)

Alison said...

Thank you so much. I have read your posting to my four resident cats and two foster cats and have taped it to the cupboard above their food area. So far, I can discern no change in their behaviour. I am adding a paragraph about 'sleeping' on my desk and then 'stretching' and accidentally knocking everything off the desk.