Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Holy Crap! That came out of left field when I wasn't paying attention!

So I just finished writing the blog about my nephews birthday, and all of a sudden all these thoughts and memories came into my head and now I am sitting here like a blabbering idiot having tears running down my face...what the heck! What came to mind was the day at the airport when they took my daughter and me there to fly back. My nephew grabbed my hand as we were standing in line to make it through the security check, thank god for long lines at times, and whispered in my ear, that I could hug him as often and hard and long as I wanted, at any time. It was also the last time I saw my dad, and probably the second time I have seen my dad cry in my life. At that point there was only denial on everybody's side,  I said a few things to him and I usually don't speak my mind that freely, but I did that day and I feel so guilty about it at times, because it all just down spiraled from there, I mean it would have done that anyway, but it didn't have to be me to set it all in motion, because from that moment on his life wasn't his own anymore, and maybe they would have been happier to live in denial for the next few months then deal with reality, which the end result would have still been the same. I don't know???? Ok, I gotta got do something to get my mind of this....have a good day!


DebH said...

awww...and I would hug you hard and long also. Don't dwell on the past, you can't change it but you can never understand why things work like they do. I hope your days are filled with positive thoughts and you see something Happy today! Take Care

Louise said...

Mighta, shoulda, coulda, woulda. All words that do nothing but hurt. You can't change the past, you can only learn from it. Eyes forward, ME and look for the joy.

And, a big cyber (((((((HUG)))))))) from me.

AJ-OAKS said...

Can't go back and change anything. That is why it is called the past. We all are guilty of it at one point in our lives.
Don't beat yourself up over it.
What's done is done.
Hugs to you.

ME said...

Thanks for all the hugs......I know I can't change anything about that day, and really I probably would do it again, just wish it would eat at me at times...arrrggghhhh! But I am good....:) See smiling.