Sunday, November 08, 2009


I have been barely up an hour and I had a million thoughts running thru my head already, thoughts that made me laugh out loud, thoughts that made me cry, thoughts that made me ponder things, thoughts to reflex on, thoughts to learn from and thoughts to grow from. Millions of little tidbits of thoughts that go from one subject to another and intertwine somehow and really have nothing to do with each other.
I thought about my daughter, and what I once was told about my daughter, and thinking of another child who must have been bigger than life itself.
I thought about the men in my life, talking about my male friends, my father's friends, my dad, and what influenced me about them, what made me see the right things in what would be the right guy, and why I didn't seek those qualities out back then even though they are so clear and apparent to me now. It was weird, when my dad passed away, there were two men I sought out, well one I knew would come anyway, and the other one I wasn't sure if he even knew, to reconnect with. It's not like we had a close bond anyway, but there was just something that about these two that personified the father figure to me at that moment, even though they were younger than my dad. I knew them as the family men they are and everything they did and stood for, was just amazing to me even back then. So one I saw at the funeral, and even though it was awkward to begin with, because he was actually there as an official person, and once the formalities were taking care off, everything was just like back then. The other one well it took me some time to even find him, he had just retired so it took some help of different people to locate him and talk to him finally. We reminisced about the time back then and he was glad that I contacted him to let him know, it's funny we still keep in contact now even if it's just at Christmas time. It's weird for me because usually I would never do stuff like this but I just had the need to find him. There is just things you remember about certain people and the things they did for or with you, no matter how little they seem to be, they are big things in the end, things you will always remember and cherish.
I thought about an email I got from my little nephew the other day that made me laugh out loud, he is just too much sometimes and just the way he goes about things, makes me the email he invited me to join this discussion group he created on the internet, ok cool enough I will join, not knowing anything about or what it even could be about, I joined. Well the group has only two members. him as the creator and me as the member. That alone made me laugh, thinking why create a whole group when we can just chat online as the other day I received a follow up email, to let me know that as I member I could suggest topics I would like to discuss with him and then here is the biggest joke, he has discussion times set up, as Fridays only at 5 pm....omg I was laughing so hard....what a kid.
And then of course my thoughts went to how things are right now, how great life actually is for a change and how much different a day, a week, a months can make...
This is what living in the now is....everything else just matter what.

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