Well I came to the decision sometimes you just have to suck things up and move forward no matter how hard it is, giving this up, I do with a very heavy heart, and not a very clear conscience, but going on like this is no longer an option, it has cost me too much in every sense of the word. It has destroyed me emotionally and mentally to the core, and whatever it has done to me, I can't let it get to me for the rest of my life, it will somehow however, but I have to find ways not to let it be that way. Not quite sure how yet, but I have to make a serious effort. It has turned me into a person I don't like to be, someone I don't even want to be around and someone I don't think anybody should be around, that's why I have chosen lately to stay away from people, and I feel bad for the people who have no choice but to be around me. I have said things to people I never thought would cross my lips, I have yelled and cursed people out, like a raving lunatic. Felt better immediately afterwards, but never changed a damn thing in the end. It's not something I can just pretend is none existing, so no matter how hard I try to deal with it or be done with it and get over it, it will always be there and there is nothing I can do about it...unless some miracle is going to happen....but with my luck....not bloody likely. But at least the emotional tie to it will be broken and cut off. Here is to a rough road ahead.....