Dear So and So,
What the hell are you doing?
I'm trying very hard to keep all systems going: brain, heart, liver, GI, lungs, the whole shebang. And what do I get from you? A bag of chips and a pop.
This isn't going to help. Let's try focusing, shall we?
Here's my deal.
You give me something to eat right after you wake up, and I don't mean a donut and a coffee, and I'll make sure you don't pass out at your desk before lunch.
And that midday meal would come in handy. I just can't think clearly if you aren't going to give me something with protein around 12:00 noon. A nutrient dense egg would be nice, maybe some heart healthy beans, or how about a nice roasted turkey sandwich on whole grain bread? Remember that time all you had for lunch was a latte and then you inadvertently pushed send and that pissed off email that was supposed to go to the Mayor ended up going to your boss? Nice one, that's what happens when you don't have any protein at lunch.
I'd love to have a snack around 4:00 pm so you don't have to give the finger to the guy that cut you off. I need your blood sugar to be on an even keel when you're driving a ton of steel through traffic.
And how about dinner? Please let's stop snarfing down fast food. Would it kill you to eat some veggies? As a matter of fact it will if you don't. I'm not playing hard ball here, just letting you in on the facts.
I've sent warnings. That rise in blood pressure, the breathless feeling you get after walking up the stairs, the whole tingling thing in your left arm; but so far nothing. Don't make me smite you.
Give me a break here. I can only do so much given the fuel you keep putting in. 'Cause, you know I saw the premium gas going into the car. What the vehicle is more important than me? The dog eats better. Come on, it's National Nutrition Month and you're doing really badly.
How about trying for five servings of fruits and five servings of vegetables tomorrow? Whole grains would be nice. So would a handful of unsalted nuts. What about eating salmon a couple of times a week? How about adding an apple a day? Washed well, peel left on. You can carry it to work. Hey, try checking out Canada's Food Guide; your tax dollars at work.
I just don't know how much longer I can keep doing my bit if you don't come on board. You need to try a little harder. Who am I kidding? You need to try a lot harder.