Sunday, January 18, 2009

The lies and sins of our mothers

While my mother was here we had some interesting conversations about our own lives, about life in general, about the life of the women in our family and the lives of other women. We talked about the lies we tell and the sins we commit as mothers, wives, friends and women. Every generation has their lies, from my grandmothers, to my mom, to my aunts and down to myself and I am sure will have this repeat conversation down the road with my daughter. Every generation of women had to go through their own troublesome life, cope with it and try to make the best of it, sometimes making the best of it was lying, to oneself and to others. Maybe lying is a very strong and negative word, but lying also saves our souls and face at times. I am not talking about lying to hurt someone, or lying because you are mean and want to get others in trouble, nor do I condone lying, but please be honest here, who hasn't told one little lie to save yourself? Sometimes lies help you save face in front of others, spare them from hurt but nevertheless lies don't make life that much easier, there is always a chance to be found out. Lies turn into secrets, and secrets are hard to keep. In the end the lies you told, were just situational solutions and one day you are willing to admit them and come clean, sometimes there is a need to come clean and sometimes it wouldn't serve any purpose. And then other times secrets just come out and everybody wonders about the big deal, because it really isn't one.
When I think of my grandmother's life and the lies she had to tell to have the life she had, it makes me sad, I understand it and I think everybody would have done it the same way, and still it made her life a living hell and daily torment of being found out.
I think of my own mother and the hell she had to go through when she found out at 19 that she was pregnant with me, the lies and secrets she had to keep to hold up to the family standards, to her friends and to herself, the things she had to put herself through just to have me, it amazes me to hear those stories now and really they aren't that bad, but for her it was hell at that time, funny what perception does to people and how we think we have to protect others and consequently protect ourselves from who knows what. Wonder what lies I will have to come clear one day and wonder what lies Pookie will have to admit in 30 years.

The biggest lie my mother ever told me was that once you have children your menstrual cramps will end.....I won't repeat that lie for sure.....

No comments: