Monday, November 10, 2008

Things you should know about anger

Well after I blew my lid on a rare occasion on Saturday, it's time to get back on track and stick with the more realistic me. We all have a certain IQ (irritability quotient) when it comes to anger. Some little things can annoy the heck out of us, like someone not signalling at a turn, or a waiter not bringing our food fast enough. Sometimes it's bigger things that trigger bigger outbursts of anger. Usually it takes a lot to get me angry, I might be annoyed by certain things, but not to the degree that I am going on a total rampage in anger and just want to rip someone apart. I can honestly say, the outburst of anger I had on the weekend was just my second real anger rampage. I might complain or bitch about little things, but nothing like the weekend episode. It wasn't even that I was angry at what was said to me, it was more that it was the inability of that person to recognize that her anger is directed at the wrong people, that her anger doesn't achieve anything and her insensitivity to the wishes of a dying person, I think that's what got me going like that.
Anger is a funny emotion, one that definitely doesn't help you much to achieve anything, well except it is a good motivation for a work out that's for sure.
*Events don't make you angry, it's your "hot" thoughts about the event that create your anger. It's the meaning that you attach to it, that creates negative thoughts and reactions.
*Anger usually will immobilize you, you will be frozen in your hostility to no productive outcome. If it's an event that is controllable by you, then you will be far better of to create a solution if you concentrate on a decent search for a solution. If it's beyond your control, being angry will only result in resentment and will make your life miserable.
*Your thoughts that create the anger may easily be destorted. Like is this really true or are you just seeing it that way, is there another possibility of looking at it?
*Anger is usually caused by the belief that someone is treated you unfairly or something unjust happened to you. The degree of anger you feel is directly related to your perception of the malicousness or intention of an act done onto you.
*If you can emphasize with other people and are able to see things through their eyes, then you will soon realize that your way of seeing things is only an illusion in your mind.
*Often if you direct anger at someone, that person might not even have the slightest idea why you would be mad at them, and they don't feel they deserve your punishment, so whatever you do to them, might no affect them at all, and then again your anger might just grow because they don't seem to get it.
*Usually your anger is a defense mechanism against loss of self esteem, like when someone critisizes you, disagrees with you or doesn't act the way you expected them to act.
*Anger is usually the result of unmet expectations, sometimes people just have different ways of dealing with things, and and might not follow your rules because it's not their human nature or their rules. You have to change your expectations, e.g. people should think and act the way I do.....who says so? or If I am nice to someone they should reciprocate... well that's what one wishes for, but there is no guarantee that it might happen, but it could.
*You have the right to your anger, but does it work to your advantage, do you or the world benefit from your rage?

Having said all that and it seems to be making somewhat some sense, it is still hard to see it that way at times. But I conciously remind myself that it's just a thought I am reacting to, the same way when I am on or over the edge, I am reacting to a thought and really how stupid is that? I am creating that thought, if I can change that thought, I will change the whole outlook at that very moment. And trust me I am trying....

No comments: