Thursday, July 03, 2008


I guess it is time to surrender to some of the given, as hard as it is and is going to be, there is just not another choice to be made. Not sure, well I know that I don't know, how to do that but it just has to be that way. Sometimes I wonder if I would be far better off behind the great big walls that I once errected around me, where nobody can come in and I can't come out, maybe life was so much easier than, not better, but who is to say it is better the way it is right now? I don't think I have felt like this in a long time, one good thing is that I still don't want chocolate, so far so good lol, but I was pretty darn close to resorting to one of my other vises, but I couldn't find anything useful, or well I probably could have if I looked hard enough, but I don't want to have to explain what happened again to people, but I still might, the urge is still here, maybe I will just go to bed instead. But it's like eating, I got up for food before in the middle of the night, so who knows what will happen, maybe I just sit and wait till it's over. But please let it be over soon. Maybe I think of something new,well not so new, but not something I have done very often. But right now my ego and it's needs are just way too much to handle. One would think with all that I have read lately and am aware of as the traps and shortfallings of the EGO, and that salvation is really just a different thought away, and I would be able to get a handle on this....well I guess this too shall pass....sooner or later...better sooner....but it already lasted all day.....and it's just coming to a blow right this minute....but as long as I am sitting here and write I am not doing anything that's good.... well I better go take care of the kitchen and then hopefully go to bed without any detours. :)

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