Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Rejection at every corner...

...well I know that rejection is a tool to help you grow and learn and look inwards, but wtf....I don't think I can go anymore inward as I am right now and just try to understand. And yes it has nothing really to do with me, but how can you not take it personally and how can you not let it affect you to the point where it questions every essence of your being? Yes some things may come up that were past as a reminder of that similar feeling, but it is right now, right this minute, so how can one not see it as a reality? When it is happening now. Granted by the time I tell you about it, it's already past and the past can't hurt you....maybe I am just having one too many blond moments? And yes I get that the thought about it, creates other thoughts, that are really just made up things about yourself and are not reality, but how do you not go there then? I have not found the off button for my mind yet. I have gaps of silence but nothing more and I guess that is a start.
And what am I looking for when the I is at "I am pretty ok the way I am", but it's the me that plays the mind games with me..... when really me shouldn't even exist at all. .......oooopsy I feel some awakening dawning on blog title....The world according to ME.....damn! And the ME in capital letters, now talk about an EGO. Shit man! This is the world ME created, not the world I live in..... woo hoo...... an awakening moment. lol.....well one of many I hope. I am fine as long as I don't think about ME I guess....??

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