Saturday, May 19, 2007


Well being so far away from the people you love and who love you during a time like this is really hard. On one hand I think it might feel a little bit easier because one doesn't have the constant reminders around, but on the other hand that's exactly what I feel like I am missing out on. Besides the immediate family here and one close friend, nobody knows my dad here, which then makes it hard to talk about him and share memories of him with someone. I kind of feel left out at times, because of that, everybody who know us is over there, they get to talk about him, remember him, share in their sorrow and grief and have each other to lean on, but my dad passed away too, just because I am not there doesn't mean I don't exist and I know everything is addressed to the family, and I am part of that family, but again I am not in the moment. I don't get to read the cards, thoughts, wishes, and sentiments of others. I am kind of left on my own, which is really making it hard to even internalize the whole thing. I don't think it will really hit me until I am back in Germany and then I am afraid I will be sort of on my own again, since a few weeks have passed and people try to get on with their life and normalize it. Not sure if that makes even sense, but those are my thought process and fears right now.

Ok, getting over this little pitty party for myself.
Having said all that I must say however that I have the most amazing and best friends in the world ,the best coworkers and supervisors, and maybe for the first time I really realized it too how many people here care about me and love me and support me. Honestly the support of you all has been incredible and I am so grateful to have you in my life. Without your love and support I don't know how I would have gotten through the last few days. I can not believe the amount of support and thoughts and prayers I have received. It is a little bit overwhelming at times. Some friends have been there even before his passing with good advice and comfort, because they have been through it before. Others have been there with a very strong interest in hearing about my dad and others have been there with very honouring gestures, which just blown me away.
Thank you all so very much for holding me up and getting me through this. You are the best.

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