Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me....

>Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
>"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
>"Social Security sex?"
>"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

>A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
>doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this
>ear splitting yell."
>"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what
>the problem is."
>"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up."
>Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
>during a recent lovemaking session,
>"How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
>She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

>A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn
>from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him
>back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since
>it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for
>"small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."
>The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him
>to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
>The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The
>doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
>"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
>The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

>A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
>wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
>headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever'.
>"Yeah," she replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
>reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last'.

>My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make
>you happy tonight."
>He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the
>doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

>One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old
>husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing
>him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment .
>Killing him instantly.
>Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if she
>had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I
>figured that at 92, if he could have sex .. He could fly."

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