Friday, April 21, 2006

Are you a giver or a taker?

For the longest time I thought I was definitely a giver, because I constantly gave to others and did for others, but as of lately I have had a different spin of this belief. Now I know I have been a taker at times, certain people I gave to, there were silent contracts attached to it and at times I gave to validate me and to make me worth it in my eyes, I am not saying that I have done this consciously, but if I think about it, there was always a little hope and expectation attached to some of the things. I have also taken from myself to give to others, and that has cost me a great deal, mostly my dignity and integrity.
I also know that I have given just because without any strings attached. The feelings that one gets from that kind of giving are way better and far more satisfying then anything else. Maybe my guilty feelings stem from giving at times with those silent contracts and hopes attached, sometimes those silent contracts would be fulfilled and sometimes they let to disappointment, and maybe if they were fulfilled then I felt guilty because I know they weren't fulfilled under honest circumstances, instead just to fill a need in me. Just a thought, but kind of makes sense to a certain degree.

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