Saturday, November 19, 2005


I am really kind of feeling estranged from my original family, first it was just physical distance but over the years it turned into more of an emotional distance. On one hand taking my history with my family, it is understandable that I feel like that and that was partially the reason for moving this far away, but on the other hand we were always such a close family that it's hard to admit that I feel so estranged from them. The only one person I am really close still, mainly because he comes to visit more frequently and we talk over the internet is my cousin, well actually it's my dad's cousin's son. It's kind of funny we always stuck together when we were younger too, we didn't see each other that often,but I felt like he was my little brother that wasn't annoying like the real thing. We could actually talk to each other. That has continued now into our adulthood, and even though he is the most removed relative he is the closest in mind and spirit. The other day we were casually talking about nothing in particular, when one of his statements kind of opened a can of worms for me that nobody in my family really knows. Nobody, well he knows now. It's funny, he is like the typical guys in my family, not very understanding and supportive, but he is at least a talker and he wouldn't let up on me until I basicly had to admit my stuff to him, it was very painful and shameful, and it scares me to know that it is now out there in my family. Not that he would tell anybody, but still it's out there now. But actually it was kind of freeing to get it out and to my surprise he was just listening not giving any real advice, at the end of our conversation he just said I could start pulling strength from our family traits,not the bad ones, but for example our famous resiliency. Well that one is hard to find at times for me, because sometimes I just want to give up, but nevertheless I am still standing, sometimes barely but standing.

" You have survived life-threating, life-altering crisis and challenge to prove only one point: that you can and have survived! Be at peace with the way you proved the point." (Iyanla Vanzant)


Anonymous said...

why is it that we are conditioned to believe that just because we are related to our families biologically that we must have a relationship with them?

ME said...

I don't think that we have too, I think it would be nice to have it so. But I also realize that sometimes it's not in our best interest, but in the end when it comes down to anything, blood is still thicker than water.