Friday, October 14, 2005

Day 11:Regrets

Regrets are signs that my core needs weren't met at that point of time, and I did anything and everything to get them met, one way or another, and looking back at some of my actions, they might not have been right, or good, but I was trying to get some needs met. Now I see it as for what it was, but couldn't see then. I do have a few regrets, they were attempts of getting my core needs met, I didn't know any better than, so I couldn't do any better. Now I also know that to get my core needs met, I have to meet them myself first. HONESTLY, I do struggle with that one a lot, I still am out for a lot of outside validation, but I am getting better at this, a lot better. I do know at times, to give myself what I want to get from others. But it sure is nice and helps at times to have supportive friends around, that just think 'I am great', they help and remind me of the things I sometimes miss or refuse to see. Yeah yeah I know, I can be very stubborn, maybe that's why I love donkeys so much, they are stubborn too, but loving and gentle, like me.

Some of my regrets:
* giving up my education in search of love
* giving up everything, my life, my family, my friends, my future, my selfrespect,my confidence, again in the search of love.
* being dependent on others, in search of acceptance and belonging
* not being accepting of myself as I was and listening to what others told me about myself and taking that as the truth, in search of acceptance and validation.
* I am sure I could come up with a few more............

Actions that would heal my core needs:
* not being so hard on myself and taking my self so seriously
* feeling and accepting the love that I do have around me
* remembering how I really feel about things and accepting that as me and nothing else and be ok with it.
* Balancing myself and everything around me.

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