Friday, October 14, 2005

Being uncomfortable around certain people...

I am naturally shy and reserved, basicly an introvert, it takes me a while to get warmed up to people and feel comfortable around them, and sometimes there are just certain people that make it very uncomfortable to be around. I always thought that it was something about them, that made me uneasy or suspicious, but lately I got the insight that it is again about me, when I feel uncomfortable around someone that means to me that they trigger something inside of me about myself through them, that makes me feel that way, whether it's inadequacy or unworthiness or any other negative feelings about myself. Again it has nothing to do with them, it has to do with me not feeling on an equal level with them, not sure why, because I am a firm believer that everybody is created equal and no one is better than others. I think a lot of it had to do with my upbringing and just not fitting in with people. Back then it was Child stuff and I didn't really thought about the impact too much, but now as I get older and wiser, I realize that a lot of things started out earlier in my life and kind of unconsciously formed my opinion of myself. It's amazing how much stuff I carry around with me, when I think back, it seemed so insignificant and dumb, but the impact was just enormous. So now as an adult I can make sense of it and understand it, back then it just unconsciously changed me. Well probably not unconsciously, but I didn't know any better than. Great, I have still a lot of work to do on myself. It's work in progress, slowly but surely, I hope. " KEEP SMILING"

No comments: