Back to square one

I had such a good day, but somehow the "issue" snug up on me while I wasn't paying attention, not sure how it happened, but it did and now everything seems once again to be staying the same after months of changes. I hate this about me, I hate that I have these days, no matter how many books I try to work on, when the "issue" shows up, it's all over. No turning back, all hell breaks loose and it is hell, more hell than anybody can imagine. Everything I learnt is right out the window, there is no reasoning with me, no arguing with myself , no convincing myself, it's just all over. AAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhh I can't stand it anymore. When will I ever get a handle on this shit.