Saturday, September 24, 2005


WOW!!!! You ever had to deal with a person that is so down on them self that you don't know what to say or do, and no matter what you say it doesn't make any sense to them and they don't believe a word you say, not because you are not telling the truth, but because of how distorted their view of themself is? Doesn't that feel frustrating and discouraging and so helpless, because you personally think that they are great and you wish you could be like that in parts and you see their goodness and yes you see their faults, but you love them anyway. How draining it is on your energy to try to get them to see themselves how they really are, and how fruitless all your attempts are. And you try and you try and you want to help them and it's not that they don't want your help, it's just that they don't see themselves worthy of your help or your effort. What if that person you had to deal with like that was you? WOW, I never realized how much pain I afflicted, how draining of their energy I was, how much I frustrated them, how much I underminded their good intentions etc. by being that way. I guess I got a dose of my own reality recently with dealing with my best friend, who is majorly down on themself and no matter what I say, it doesn't make a difference, I can say things till I turn blue in my face, they won't get heard nor acknowledged. And how much it hurts me to see that person in so much pain and I can't help one bit, well one thing I will continue to do is to love them unconditionally, and support them in whatever they do and decide to do. I am a firm believer that love from the right people can get you through anything. I also believe in staying quiet beside them just to let them know you are here, and that you care. I try not to give advise and yes sometimes I have to bite my tongue, but what's right for me is not necessarily right for them. I must also say, that that friend has made more of a difference in my life than any other person in my entire life before and I keep reminding them of the things they used to tell me, even though I didn't believe them at the time, but I did hear them and now they do make sense to me, so I will keep reminding them of all the things they helped me with by telling me about me and how I could see myself, until they hear me and believe me and most importantly believe themself. I won't give up on that friend for anything, they are too important in my life and we will get trough that, if not right beside each other, but then at least I will be right behind them.

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