Tuesday, June 22, 2010

SItting too close to the water!

Not really sure why, but seems to be a day where I am sitting too close to the internal waterfall. Having for some really odd reason a very emotional day, with a mixture of feelings. Usually I get like that when I am once again at a cross road and I have to choose one way or another, but am not really sure which way to go, or why I am at the point of choosing one way or another right this minute. The common thread through my thoughts today are the people in my life, the people who have helped shape me as the person I am today, good influences, bad influences and indifferent influences. Throughout your life you meet people who are instrumental in making you who you are to a degree, some good, some not so good. But like everything it is still you who has to do the work on yourself and it is great to have amazing people by your side. I  think my tears today are not for any sad reasons, but for the blessings in my life, the people who have helped me be the best I can be, who have stood by me, supported me, understood me, without so much as passing judgement, people who have encouraged me and made me realize my own inner strength when I didn't see it, people that believed in me when I didn't believe in myself, and people who just held me up, when everything was crumbling. The last few months have been some of the best of my life, I have learnt so much, grown so much, my confidence has increased tremendously and my willingness to stretch goes beyond my own set limits, and yes I still am me, with all my little insecurities, and that is part of me, but people have been supportive and helpful in getting me through things. And as I am thinking about all the "good" people I am thinking of all the toxic relationships that I still have in my life, you know the kind of people that pat you on the back with one hand while stabbing you in the back with the other and I think it's time to be like a hot air balloon, drop some of the sandbags that weigh you down and keep you from taking off and flying high! I have to be me and nothing but me and the best way I am capable of being. Though thank you too all the wonderful amazing people in my life for being in it, for whatever reason and for however long. I treasure you all, more than some of you will ever know. :)


Sharon said...

Feeling a little blue, huh? I'm sure everyone has days like that. I've been given a few slaps to my ego, nothing I can do about it, just move on. Have a good evening, maybe you will feel more sorted out tomorrow.


Tina said...

Yeah just one of those odd days...this too shall my motto anyway :)