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Saturday, June 12, 2010

How much is enough/normal?

Breathe......slow deep breaths........phew.........gasp........omg.....I can't breathe.......
This is usually the scenery for me for anything new and unfamiliar, this morning is no exception and I know tomorrow will even be worth. I am trying to keep my breathing under control and I know a few nerves are normal and good, but omg when is enough enough? I can give the greatest pep talks to myself, I can keep myself visually to others under control, but internally all that goes down the river really fast once I am in the situation and then I feel it's just a struggle to stay afloat. Feeling like that takes so much joy out of things that I would consider fun and not really that hard to do, yet for me it's just a totally emotional and gut wrenching disaster, and I am really getting tired of it, beause at that moment this just totally takes over my life and my thought process and everything else surrounding it. Needless to say I have been like that all my life, it doesn't get any easier with age or practice nor are the levels of anxiety and nervousness different with different situations. I have tried everything from taking pills that calm you down, to deep breathing exercises, to meditation to whatever else one tells you to do, but nothing seems to help.  Funny thing is once it's all over, I know I will think to myself, well that wasn't that bad, so why all the angst before it and I promise myself to not let myself get to that state the next time, but it always is the same ole same ole. The thing is I know I can do it, so what's the problem really? Grrrrrrr!!!!!!!
I hate when my brain works overtime, wish it would just shut off in times like this and let me enjoy the moment and just have fun.
Well I am off to the DSC with mega knots in my stomach, to the point that I feel like throwing up right now...and geez  today is only set up....can hardly wait til tomorrow lol.....Hope everybody enjoys their day!

7 comments:

Louise said...

Hope your nerves settle quickly. You know, I think that most of us feel that way. So, relax, you're normal.

Audrey said...

I hope your day goes well Martina. I've always had trouble that way too, until I got old, then the outlook is - If they don't like it, too bad. I still obsess about stupid things like driving somewhere I've never been before, but these things you learn to live with. When you get home, sit back, relax, and stitch.

DebH said...

I definitely get a case of nerves on occassion and I just remember all the stuff I have handled in my years...one time I was EXTREMELY wrought over some treatments for cancer I was about to have. The one where they go fishing for some lymph nodes inside my arm pits and I was to remain awake for it. MAJOR vomity stomach happenin...an feeling sorry for myself..then while I was being wheeled into the surgery..a little girl with no hair was coming down the hallway. She was about to have a procedure and her eyes were so huge and she was clutching her blanket so hard...I teared up and gave myself a real scolding. I never forgot that little face and when I feel for myself...I just give myself the boot and say"think of that little brave girl" She was a who I should be thinking about instead. I still wonder if she is OK, so thats when I know there are people in worse places than me. I say "Charge" into the day with the bravery I know you have!! :)

AJ-OAKS said...

Overthinking every scenario that could possibly happen to you so you will be prepared for whatever is thrown your way. Always on gaurd.
Oh wait, that's what I do!!! :)
But, I always buck up and do it. Just like you do!
Funny though, when an emergency comes up, there is no thinking, just doing what needs to be done without a second thought.
You really are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. Hugs.

Canyon Girl said...

I think we all go through different stages of this. And we have to find what works for us. Good for you that you face it and do whatever makes you nervous and get to the other side of it. Maybe some day this will be enogh to make those feeligs go away.--lol, Inger

Sharon said...

I believe this is pretty normal, Try not to dwell on it, I know easier said than done. If it's that bad ....
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take the pill :)

Trina said...

Hang in there girl! You will be fine and good luck tomorrow with Donkey Day!