Over ten months ago I started a journey with a certain motivation in mind, not knowing how long I will be on this journey, where it will lead me to, what it's purpose was/is, or having answers to any rising questions, I still don't know, I just know I have accomplished a lot in these last 10 months and some of them I am really proud of, because I would have never thought I would still on this track, but I am glad I am....there have been some curve balls thrown at me, some things got out of whack for a while, motives have changed, goals have been put in front of me and yes I want to shoot right at and for them.....of course some have their doubts,some have nothing but negative things to say, some don't know why I would go for what I am going for, but to them I can only say, because it is what I want....nothing less and nothing more.
I have learnt to accept a few things about myself over this time, I have learnt a few things about me and most of it has been positive, well except for this nagging little pain. Opinions might differ, but I am eager to hear what was said and why the descision was made and what alternatives can be tried to eleviate this ongoing issue. It's an issue that I face every single day, an issue that hasn't gone away nor has it improved, well actually one could say it gotten worse and is now way more noticeable than ever before, even if you don't know about it...but knowing about it and facing it every single day has brought me a lot of times to tears and to actually hate and be disgusted with that part. One can look at it from whatever angle one wants to look at it, the fact is, it isn't going to go away, it seems to get worse every time you look at it and it really is starting to get to me, it frustrates me to no end and I could just scream and wonder, what if.....but that really serves no purpose, but I just don't know anymore how to deal with it...it makes me sad and angry, and yet there is nothing I can do about it, nothing whatsoever.