Saturday, November 08, 2008
Ok right now I just need to rant and rave, and get rid of anything and everything I just have squirming around in my little pea brain. Shit, where do I begin? Oh maybe I should mention that I am reading about anger right now, and f*** I don't give a shit about what I suppose to do not to be angry, and not react to scenarios, and realize that whatever I am angry about has nothing to do with the other person, but the anger are just extorted perceptions I am suppose to have...well f*** that for right now, I will read again tomorrow morning, but right now I am mad, and everybody who knows me knows that it takes a lot to get me that mad that I am boiling over. But this just did it. I am at work, it is busy as hell and people are coming in and out, asking millions of questions and want millions of things, I do like it that way, since that is what I am suppose to do, smile, sit pretty, answer questions and help as much as possible with any inquiries. Then I get a phone call from , well I don't know what to call that person right now,so I will call that person just that "that person". That person lays it on heavy right from the minute I pick up, how depressed they are, how hard it is, you know the same old story, if I remember what day is today and so on....I am ready to listen and be a sympathetic and empathetic person, but then it got better, the next thing I am the topic of that person's counselling sessions, the topic with my boss, and they lay this heavy guilt trip on me. That I spend more time with certain friends then with them, that I don't even call them back etc. And yes that is true, but you don't hear me when I try to explain myself as to why and how this happens, not that I owe you an explanation to begin with. Ok, you might say, I can't feel guilty unless I have done something wrong or shameful.Which I haven't in my eyes. Next they go on to request that I talk to a particular person, to make them tell their interactions with a certain person, well that's when I got bluntly pissed off and I said, well that they are very sick and on their death bed right now, and I think talking is the last thing they want to do right now, and then I really blew a gasket, when they requested that this particular person as their last thing to do and rectify things for them, was to speak up before they died. HOLY F***! Talk about selfish and zoom zoom zoom! I said their is no way in hell they will do this, as I put it bluntly and not so nicely that they already have one foot in the grave, and the reply I got was, "Oh they are unconscious?" I don't care what they are at this moment, get over your righteous, self imposed Holiness. Nobody has to do anything for you, you are the only person who can change how you feel and see things, and in my opinion I don't think your counselor is very good, if she/he feeds into your obsession like that and agrees with everything you say, but then I believe more that you are not listening, well you might be listening, but you don't hear it and you don't want to hear it. With these thoughts in my mind, I said that I appreciate her concerns and if she called to rad on me, this wasn't the time or place and I hanged up and ended the conversation.
Holy S*** how much drama do I need in my life? I have enough crap on my plates, why add other people's to it? Ok I feel better now. Phew!
More Drama??!Which leads me to go back to the blog headline I posted yesterday and will write about in a few minutes.