Saturday, November 08, 2008

Coldhearted bitch or removed from any emotions?

Well this was the title on Friday, triggered by an very early phone call from a dear, and clearly very distraught and upset friend, as I feel today the title should be more " How much drama do you need?" or "Addicted to negativity?" or maybe I am a cold hearted bitch after all. I don't know, I am trying to figure this all out.
As I sit here right now, there are plenty things in my life right now,that make me very sad and pull on my heart's strings, whether it is a critically ill friend, who chose to go this way all alone, bills that are hard to pay, upcoming surgeries of a friend etc or plainly the thoughts that go through my head that make me feel sad for me, and me alone. So I have plenty of things on my plate that I worry about, and I think I am hitting my limit on negativity in my life. Doesn't mean I care more about one friend than another, not at all. A lot has to do with their willingness to help themselves, and maybe just even the acknowledgement that things are a little bit out of whack, but I can't fix everything, if I had a magic wand, I would love to use it on anything that would make someone's life better and happier, but I think too, that some are just addicted to drama and negativity, and that makes it very hard to cope with. Not that their "drama" isn't legit and it's not that I am not empathetic to what they are going through, but sometimes it feels like just too much of a bad thing. E.g. this phone call I got the other morning from my distraught, balling her eyes out friend, well yes she had every reason to be upset and sad, there was a tragic accident in the not so immediate family and yes it was sad, unexpected, traumatic and any other bad emotion that could be associated with this event, but why be so dramatic, it was someone you didn't give a shit about until 5 minutes ago. Someone you always believe to feel superior to anybody in your family, who treated you like shit for years, growing up and all through your life as somebody not worthy of their standards. And all of a sudden this loss is just the worse thing that ever happened to you? Give me a break. But then maybe I am just a cold hearted bitch, but why cry over someone, who you thought at one point was no good anyway? I just don't understand that, I think that's a little bit phony in my eyes. I mean if some estranged relative of mine died, I would be sad, but I sure wouldn't call you as if this is the most important news of your day. Sorry, well maybe that's just me.
My friends do know that they can call me anytime about anything, but if it is just always drama, sometimes I just don't want to hear it or deal with it,it does get stressful at times, because believe it or not I do have my own shit to shovel. Doesn't mean that I don't want to hear from you or I am not a good friend or listener, but there is more to life then just drama and self made pity and anguish and embellishing stories to make them more dramatic and tragic then they actually are.Maybe that's why I don't talk about my shit, because I know it is mostly selfinflicted, well actually it always is selfinflicted for every- and anybody. So call me Dr. Burns. lol.....


Anonymous said...

I have to agree with you ME. Many people need the drama in their lives to feel somehow important.They need to feel that the world stops for them at the drop of a hat. You my dear friend have been a firm shoulder for me from the beginning. You are far from a cold hearted emotionally detached bitch. Thank you for being my friend in good times and bad.

dm (PIC)

Anonymous said...

and sometimes you just have to be the CHB. Doesn't mean it is easy but sometimes it is needed. Some people just don't get it and like to promote false pretences rather than taking hold of their own responsiblity. You know the ones who blame everyone else for their own misfortunes.

Anonymous said...

Well some are classic example of that. And we all have these people in our lives at some point. It's what you choose to do with it, that's up to you. So yes I can be a coldhearted bitch. BITCH= Broad in total control of herself.