Thursday, February 01, 2007

Emotional Scars

Sometimes I think there were events in one's life you just never get over or it is very hard to get over. In a recent email from a friend, he was telling me about surgery his wife just had, how he had spent the last few weeks by her bedside and taking care of her, how it is his part of the role as her husband to take care of her and make sure she is comfortable and happy, he was genuine concerned about her and her well being. She had been ill for quite some time and not ever does he leave her side and not tend to her. I know he is worn out from worry and the constant demand on his time, but he wouldn't be anywhere else. As I was reading his email I had immediate flashbacks of me in the hospital and how dramatic the events for me were at that time, and how much this is still in me and how much I am not over this and it makes me wonder if I ever will be. Now I have heard the different sides of the events, and how some responded to that crisis, but still it doesn't nor did it make any difference in me getting over this. I am sure people had their reasons to act the way they did, but for me it left deep scars in my heart and soul that I am not sure I will ever be okay in this regard and if I could be I sure don't know how to achieve it. It was amazing to me that a little email that had nothing to do with me, and just the mentioning of hospital stay and care took on a life on it's own within me. How vivid those feelings still linger inside me and how much hurt and pain that still causes. I think I can forgive but I don't think I will ever be over the emotional scars these events have left behind. I definitely believe that this experience was a life altering one that has changed me as a person, and how I view the world around me and how I view myself. Sad but true.

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