Thursday, August 24, 2006

The fear

"The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants above everything else is safety." ~Henry Louis Mencken

Well pretty much everybody who knows me, knows my fear and dislike of doctors. Mostly this fear comes from previous horrible experiences with doctors and the lack of trust that it might be different the next time. I only go to the doctor if I really have no other choice left and pain and severity are too much to handle. I would call it a phobia, I am a total basketcase when I am sitting in the doctors office. But obviously the fear of doctors also runs in my family. I don't remember my mother or father ever going to the doctor growing up, but I don't remember them ever really getting sick other than a cold or flu. But now that my father is challenged with his first health issues, the fear of doctors is apparent, and things just get dragged out and carried on as normal, even though everybody knows what it is and the outcome, but obvisiously the fear of the outcome is stronger than the necessity to see a doctor. Makes total sense to me, but on the other hand I know we always have the "What if" syndrome happening afterwards, and we get mad at ourselves for not taking care of ourselves. But fear won and keeps winning. The human mind is such a messed up operating system at times. We all know better and know that the fear is exaggerated and irrational, but you can't ration with an irrational brain. And now things are worse than they could have been, if we would have taken care of it sooner. But then on the other side, like my brother pointed out today, who knows, things might have been overlooked if it would have happened earlier. One never knows, and second guessing in those cases is useless. Needless to say the question of what if comes up and needless and sadly to say that this case will not change my mind nor anybody's mind in my family about seeing a doctor any time before it becomes unavoidable. How sad and dumb.

No comments: