Being me

'Being me feels like eternal hell. Nothing less. Pain, anger, confusion, hurt, never knowing how I'm gonna feel from one minute to the next. Feeling misunderstood. Analyzing everything. Nothing gives me pleasure. Once in a great while I will get "too happy" and then anxious because of that. Then I self-medicate with food. Then I physically hurt myself. Then I feel guilty because of that. Shame. Wanting to die but not being able to kill myself because I'd feel too much guilt, and then feeling angry about that so I si to make all the feelings go away. Stress!'