Monday, October 10, 2005

Day 7:Am I making this up or is it true?

Montaigne:"My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened."

Learning what situations trigger your urge to make things us will allow you to address the reasons you do it. When you make things up, it is a defense mechanism. You have to decide to give up that defense and focus on the facts rather than relying on how you feel. Paying attention to the feelings that go with the impulse to fictionize will help you wake up to which emotions cause you to go into protect mode. If you are serious about this, you'll have to be honest with yourself about when you do and don't see the truth inside the experience. Ask yourself "am I making this up or is it true?". Ask the question and be honest with the answer. When you are willing to be truthful you can change the way you think. Making things up only keeps you stuck in your fears and frustrations. It gives no answer but instead shuts the door to you future, whether that includes a new job, a new love or a new you.
Focus on the following facts:
*are you making it up or is it true? Keeps you honest and open with others
*when you make things up, you are afraid to become vulnerable and therefore intimate
*see the situation "as is", taking your perception out and focus on the facts
*facing when you make things up will help you to heal

Why can't I be true to myself?
I can't be true to myself because I don't really know me, I am afraid of the unknown, I don't know me and what it is like to be the real me, never really tried it.

What excuses do I make up when things don't go my way?
I am never good enough, I am not loved the way I need to be loved, nobody really cares, not important enough and not worthy to be considered.

What things am I making up about the people I love?
*husband has more important things to think about
*parents never told me that they loved me
*friends don't really care
*they just want their own needs met, I don't matter
*they are not interested in what I do
*they don't care enough
*they are to involved in their stuff
*they don't have time for me

List the emotions that I feel when I make things up about people....
rejected, not worthy, lonely, misunderstood, not accepted, not loved, unappreciated, needy,betrayed,fearful, unwanted,pushed away, the list goes on and on......

If I had to ask myself,"Am I making this up or is this true" before I could speak, how would my life change?
I wouldn't have to second guess myself all the time, wouldn't stress out so much over stuff when I am not sure if it's really true, wouldn't assume things. Would be much happier, just going with the flow and deal with it as it is and not as what it could be. There is no reality there is only perception, but have to focus on the facts.

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