Saturday, October 29, 2005

Day 26: Never confront again

I am replacing the word confront with the word clarity. When I want to confront, in truth I want to clarify. "Could you please clarify that for me?" Simple asking for clarity gives the other person an opportunity to be heard and an opportunity for me to listen. Just because I am seeking clarity, doesn't mean I am going to get what I want. We all have hidden expectations. Expectations give us permissions to feel wronged and thereby to confront.
If I have expectations, disappointment is often the result.
Any time I feel a need to confront it is because I feel I am not being seen or being appreciated , not being loved.
Clarification can take the pain of rejection away. I stop taking things personally, judgments cease and communication and connection increase.

Who am I avoiding?
Some friends, and husband.

What boundaries have not been clarified or rules explained? Mostly my space and my time and my needs.

What expectations am I holding on that validate confrontations? That they understand and know what I need, and that they are there for me.

When I give up blaming and commit to clarifying instead, I will automatically have more love in my life.
I am willing to change my perceptions of others. I will ask questions, I will listen.

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