Saturday, May 12, 2012

How was my day?

The answer to that question would have depended on what time you asked me that question. Had you asked me at around 11:30 am the answer would have been completely different than it was at 3 pm. As I was heading out to a very important meeting at the DSC I had plenty of time to let my mind wander during the drive up there and oh boy did it wonder, it was not pretty, I pretty much balled my eyes out the whole drive up there, which I thought great timing to arrive at a meeting looking like hell, but since I  can cry gracefully at times, nobody noticed a thing once I was up there. I wasn't crying about the meeting, I wasn't even nervous about the meeting even though it was a meeting I had called but I was prepared for what I needed to say and do and when I am in that state of mind nothing really can stop me, not even my fear of talking in front of people or taking a stand. Seems like the tears were tears of anger, anger that I still hold on to from the past year and all the shit it has done to my life and me, mostly so it's directed against myself as I allowed it to get to me in that way and do that to me, but I had no other way of coping with it and now even, 3 1/2 months later, I am still angry for having to do it all over again and working hard at it again and that pisses me off. May last year, was the start of my totally ouf of control downward spiral, that I had no way of stopping. I lost my biggest fan that month and then I got the boss from hell and I was to deal with it all on my own and simply put....I couldn't. Having my mind otherwise occupied during the drive was a little bit disturbing as when I arrived at the DSC I had totally lost my train of thoughts for what I was about to say and it took a few minutes to get back into the groove. Being greeted by Orly at the fence was a good start to being at the DSC. I met up with our operation manager in the parking lot and was then introduced with big praise ( lol) to the incoming ED. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, as I am not a big fan of change, but in this case it could be a good thing and I hope what we see is what we get. She seems a very strong willed, opinionated person, which is what we need and as long as it's in our favour it will be even better. We had no time frame for our meeting, except other time commitments later in the day, but I can say I felt really good about the meeting and afterwards there wasn't too much in my head to maul over, which I always take as a good sign, as it means I felt we accomplished the things we set out to do and we were heard and we discussed ideas and made plans, we identified problems and we all agreed that they do exist and once it was acknowledged then we worked on solutions. We came up with a few great ideas and I am really excited about it. She was very encouraging and sympathetic and seems to be a let's get it done kind of person, which is great. So let's hope we get what we saw and things should be progressing nicely as long as the ones in charge don't get bull dozed by the ones that think they should be in charge. I hope she is strong enough. I sure wouldn't want to mess with her...:). One thing however I found very disturbing at the meeting and I will have to work on that in my head first before I spit it out, well maybe I will bounce it back to my side kick and supporter of the board.
So after having a crappy start to the day, the middle was great and well I don't even want to think about what happened at work last night as it just makes me frantic right now, it was not good and hopefully it wasn't something I did. But I don't think so. Oh well I will find out on Monday. lol. OOOOPS!

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