Wednesday, February 01, 2012

That ever failing memory of mine

Well I had to laugh at myself  this morning already, even though it really isn't funny and worries me a great deal. I was a hundred percent sure that yesterday's blog was about the outcome and resolution of our work place problem, only to re-read it again this morning and  to realize it had nothing about what I had thought in my head and was thinking I was writing about in it. Well I sure had lots to say yesterday but obviously not what I had set out to say....oddly I put the warning about a rambling entry on it...because I was really just rambling in my mind. Oh man! But this is how it has been, I can't concentrate on one thing, my mind skips from on thought to another, totally senseless and confusing. Mind you, I can recite word for word in my head what I thought I was writing I guess that's a good thing to a degree. lol.
Yesterday was really an odd day for me emotionally, I think actually having time to reflect on the last few months and coming to grips with how it was and how it affected you and actually sitting with it and not having to try to cope with it, really played havoc yesterday. Yesterday the weather and the temperature was so nice that I actually sat outside with a hot cup of Chai Tea and wrapped in a blanket and just enjoyed the warmth of the sun on my face. And yes even though I am still smiling, I have a gut feeling that for me it will not be over for a while, at least on my personal level and for me to be back to my usual self, but I am also determined not to let her take over my life after she is gone and isn't the sweetest revenge to be better than before. But I also think it was easier the first time around to get over it, because I was mostly just a witness, yes I had a few incidents, but none I couldn't deal with, this time around I was one of the chosen participants in her head games, whether I wanted to be or not.
Well this morning I will pay a short visit to another place of employment and just catch up with her, as she has been one too that has tried to keep me sane over the last little while, someone I did confide in all along the bumpy ride. And then I will visit with my donkeys and I know I will feel better then. Also will have some business to conduct with the barn manager and some office work. So hope you all have a good day. I guess that entry from yesterday that still floats in my head instead of being down on paper, will be coming one day soon, because that day was sure one I won't forget in a long long time.

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