Saturday, October 02, 2010

Showing up in the world!

This entry was inspired by an entry of a friend's blog, in which she questions why some people have the need to pretend to be different than they really are. It also echoed with a discussion I just had yesterday with my friend J. and something that Dr. Phil said the other day, and no I am not a Dr. Phil fan, nor have I really watched him in a long time, but it happened to be just what I watched the other day when I surfed the channels and I got stuck on him, and then immediately one of my favourite quotes came to mind too "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are”  and that then got my brain going and it has been going ever's all mumble jumble right now and probably won't make much sense, but I just have to get it out of my head by writing it out. Not even sure how to begin with this, because it is all so intertwined with other things again, so I will just be rambling. Dr. Phil said, that we all show up in the world in a certain way, they way we walk, they way we talk, the way we portray ourselves to the people and the world around us. And the world perceives us a certain way according to how we show up. Makes sense to me so far, but this is where I really struggle with it, and I have been really struggling with it all my life, because how can the way the world perceives you and how you feel about yourself and how you see yourself be so different? And who is right then? I have a hard time knowing how to be at times, the world tells me I am this way, but I see myself that way. For example, and this is a really good example that goes way back to my school years, but it still happens all the time, not in the same context or the same topic, but it is a constant. When I went to school, people thought I was a really stuck up, better than anybody, won't talk to people and just dissed people by not giving them the time of day, when my reality was, that I was an extremely shy kid, that wouldn't approach anybody unless somebody approached  me first,  and if they didn't it then made me believe  that I wasn't good enough for them, because if I was they would have talked to me. It kind of is a vicious cycle. I never understood why people thought of me as being better as them in school either, because that sure wasn't me at all, given ( and I am only wording it like that to get the point across, it's not what I nor we as a family believed nor would it be anything that would ever cross my lips in any way shape or form) my dad, was the high school principle and he had education compared to the farming community of that small town I grew up in, but that didn't make us better, nor did we act any differently, we had the same clothes, we went to the same stores, we weren't " better" at all, but yet somehow people perceived us as such, which I really didn't understand.
Today people have a total different perception of me than I have of myself. People believe that I know what I am doing, that I have confidence in certain things the way I do them etc. when again my reality is totally different. Some one told me once that it's how I walk and carry myself that shows confidence, but I don't do that on purpose or with the thought ' oh I have to walk and carry myself this way so people thing that of me", it's just how I do it. I can't help it and it bothers me that people expect all these great things from me, when I don't have the believe in myself of being able to do them, e.g. Donkey Day, what possessed them to make me, a first time volunteer, team leader of a group to run part of a fundraiser? But somehow I must have given of the impression that I am worthy of that consideration, but I don't know how I did that. So what do people see that I am missing. And then if they see it, I have this horrible pressure of performing to their standards of me, do you know what I mean? Is that than the fake me? Or the real me that I don't see yet?
Now "two faced" is another thing I have put on myself through the actions of others, but I don't really see it that way, I would call it diplomatic and considerate. Why am I "two faced or a hypocrite" if I see both sides of an argument and see both sides as valid? I don't get it. Why do I have to pick one side or the other, when both points are good? J. thinks I would make a great mediator. lol.
Which then brings me back to the famous quote of Anais Nin, that you see me the way you are, not the way I  really am. So maybe pretending to be somebody else, is not really what people do either, but how other people  see it, because really how would people know that you are pretending and not really are that way. Are you confused yet? I know I am....but usually it doesn't take much to confuse me lol after all I am blond.
This also brings to mind another quote, can't remember the exact wording nor who said it, but it went something to the effect " I don't like you, therefore I have to  get to know you better" and that is so true, we all form first impressions of people and often don't like somebody because of the way they act or dress or whatever, if we get to know them, doesn't necessarily mean that we will like them but it will make us understand why they are the way they are. We might still not agree with how they act or do, but everybody's life story forms us to be the way we show up in this world. So what's your life story? And what misconceptions do people have about you?


Sharon said...

Okay, yes, I didn't think I was confused, but now I guess I am. Frankly, I don't care how others perceive me, I am who I am, and if someone doesn't like me - there's the door. I used to work on my social skills, then I figured out the door part, I am a whole lot more relaxed.

I think maybe you worry too much, but then, maybe that's who you are, and that's fine!

Denise said...

I have been called a polly-anna and see everything with rose colored glasses. I guess I would rather think on the positive side than negative. Is that wrong? Not to me. Here's an example. At the end of Titanic did old Rose die? My entire family says yes. Me - no. My reason - I want her to wake up and be able to live with the memory of Jack. So, I asked yahoo - James Cameron purposely left that to the viewer. He did ask Rose to hold her breath for that scene. So...
I still care what others think - but I am learning to care more about what I think. If I know I am doing my best - good enough.
These are things I have struggled with for years - you get an answer - let me know - k?

Smiles - Denise

Tracey said...

What you see is what you get with me. I try not to judge people until I get to know them because first impressions are so often wrong. xxx

DM said...

As one that has said before that you walk with confidence...i still believe that to be true. The fact you don't realize you are doing and the fact that you are not trying to do it...shows you do have a confidence in things and others can see it. It doesn't mean everyone expects you to be that way, only that we can see you are a woman whos has there!!!! :-P lov ya!!!!

Jodie said...

Well, since you asked...I have almost the exact same two problems that you have.

I'm terribly shy (this is getting much better with age though), and it has constantly the case that people think I'm snobby and "too good" to talk to them. The reality though, was that I'm too scared to talk to people sometimes, and other times, I simply have no idea what to say! This is something I've gotten much better at as I've gotten older, but even people who have only known me for 5 years will tell you that I'm a totally different person now than when they met me. This isn't totally true- now they see the me that I am when I'm comfortable around a person.

The other problem, same as yours, is that people always think I've got it together and am able to handle and do way more than I really can. I guess I give the impression that I'm "together" and stable and am able to do just about anything without actually being taught. This becomes a cycle because as a result, I'm forced to pretend that I am together and able to do anything and then act accordingly.

I totally relate to your story!