Thursday, June 15, 2006

Life is strange

"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes." ~Sally Field

Life has a funny way of messing with you, everytime I think I am starting to have my shit together, something comes up to remind me that it isn't so yet. And back I go into this deep dark well of despair and anger and shame and guilt and whatever bad stuff I can come up with, but I am at least aware that I don't take as much time anymore to climb back out of the well, and I guess that's were the real progress lies. That doesn't make it any easier to be in that dark moment at the time but at least I know life will go on somehow and will be better the next day even though it might look like a total loss at the moment.I have on my mind all the time that tomorrow will be a new day and a day for new beginnings and happenings, no matter what goes on at the moment right now. I used to feel so defeated and frustrated with myself that any such moments and turn all my negative energy against myself, but I know I don't deserve that especially not from myself, because when it comes down to it, I am all I have, and who am I gonna count on if I can't count on myself. there are plenty people around to point out your bad stuff to you, so I don't need to do that to myself. Doesn't mean I master this effectively all the time, but at least I am aware of it and can work with it.

"We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies". ~Roderick Thorp, Rainbow Drive

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