The stories of my life

I grew up in a family, in which you were neither heard nor seen. There were unspoken rules of conduct and certain expectation were just put upon you, where I am not even really sure if they were put upon us or if we instinctively knew them and put them upon us ourselves. Sometimes it was easier to make up stories to my friends than explaining why I couldn't do certain things. I began to tell my own little stories to make life easier, I became the villain in my own stories and ended up punishing everybody in them according their reactions to my stories. It was so much easier to do that than to speak the truth. And how many times have you said you were fine if someone asked you 'How are you' and you really felt like saying I feel like shit and this and that is going on in my life, but you didn't. By making up these stories to avoid certain situations I created exactly what I wanted to avoid in the first place, but at least it wasn't my fault then, because I had my story why I couldn't and I stuck to it. And sooner or later you live your story just the way you tell it, far from the truth, nevertheless the story of your life. And eventually you realize that you have to rewrite your story, tell it how it really was and not the kind of fantasy you created. And no I wasn't fine as a kid, I wasn't fine as an adolescence, I wasn't fine as a young adult and I am definitely not fine now, I am getting better, slowly but steady. And yes I do have not so pretty moments, and yes most of them are covered up by more stories, not stories to lie to your family or friends, but stories to lie to yourself. Not sure if that makes sense to others, but then who cares, it's not about others this is about ME and my world according to me.