Thursday, July 10, 2008


"Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in." ~Alan Alda

It is amazing where your mind can take you when you just let it wander,( I always knew mine was too small to be let out by itself), but what was a hellish night of a seemingly dreadful day ahead was anything but that. It gets me every time how being in that zone just derails every good intention and everything you learnt and could practise in those moments is right out the window, and that your mind is so stuck in a rut inside your own brain, that nothing can de-rail it, and when it's all over it's like a sunny day after a big storm, this just gets me every time. Maybe that's why it's so hard to really talk about it, because once it's over, it's over, and I realize how stupid and ridiculous it was, and how out of proportion it was and I have no clue how it got like that, because I think of myself as a very reasonable and smart person. It's almost like it takes on a life on it's own, and I can just stay with it and ride the emotional roller coaster, maybe instead of trying to get off the next time I should go for the ride all the way to the end. But who knows how I will be in that moment at that given time, it seems to all be so out of control and irrational.

Well after spending most of the night sitting in the bathroom and plotting, I got up early to go do my daily routine, had my shower and went back to bed, to be woken up at 10:30 am by the phone. I was still totally mentally exhausted from the night before, I got dresses and started my day. I had a good conversation with a concerned friend, I just wish I could explain things how they really are inside of me without sounding so incredible stupid, because it's not when in the zone.
I had a doctors appointment for 1 pm and got heck for not coming more often than once in two years. Oh well, you know me and doctors, unless something is wrong you won't see me, of course I got nabbed for all kinds of upcoming tests, well I guess this shall pass too.
The afternoon there after was spent at the orthodontist and on the phone. Really got not much accomplished all day, well except return to the human race and the human spirit. lol... After dinner I picked up a friend and we joined the infamous Wednesday Night Crosstitch Group. It was fun and we laughed a lot. All of the women are so unique in their own special way, and it's hard to tell who you like the most , they all have their unique way of being and contributing to the group, they are all just there to be there and have fun. Topics vary from work to personal life and it's just nice to witness the camaraderie of these women and how you know they all have each others back at all times. That is really cool.
I had a great time, even so being the new kid on the block is not my favourite position to be in. lol....

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