Friday, April 07, 2006

Stuck in the middle and tired....

I am tired of always feeling stuck in the middle of things, I try to stay out of people's business but somehow I seem to be always in the middle of it. I look out for me, I don't take things from others, I take what's given to me. If someone is frustrated or pissed of about something, I would appreciate it if they would go to the source of their frustration and not to me, I am not the appropriate person to talk to or about. I am not in a popularity contest with anybody,I am definitely not an ass kisser, nor do I beg for what I get or got, if it's given to me, I take it, but I don't ask for it. And if someone has a problem with that, than I have to stop taking this personally and make it about me, because it's not. I can be sympathetic to someone's concerns, but that still doesn't make me the person doing wrong. And I just wish I wasn't feeling like that, but hey guilt is a learnt behaviour and one I have learnt very early on and one I still have hard time with. Especially if people I care deeply about are involved, but that's just me. And it saddens me to know that people take that so to heart, and it hurts me that they let it out on me.
So I think I will go back and listen to the song " My give a damn is busted" again from the CD my PIC has made for me.
(Thank you PIC, the CD is awesome,it's already been blasting in my car).
And if I feel like that it has to do with me and not anybody else. I think it's about time for me to not change my tune to be in agreement with others, I have my own opinions and thoughts. Right or wrong, like it or not... I am tired of retreating into my shell to please others. I can be a BITCH too, but I choose not to live like that, because that's not me at all either. I am just there to have a good time, enjoy myself, make the best out of everything, and live in peace.

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