Day 10: Integration

All the things I learned, I am pretty good at getting them intellectual, but sometimes I find it hard to put them into action and also get them from my heart. At times I have a real disconnection from my heart to my head and things make sense at the same time they don't make sense on a different level. I struggle with that everyday, but I keep on practicing, which is easier, when I am having a good day. Like everything in life, nothing comes from nothing, and practice makes perfect, even practicing being good to myself.
Every day I try to integrate the things I learn from books, from other people, etc and I take from them what works for me, not everything works for everybody. The only person I can work on and influence is myself, not anybody else. JUST ME!
I am getting better too with accepting compliments without playing them down in my head, instead I just accept them as they are. Recently one of my closest friend gave me a very very big and very much appreciated compliment, she said that I have come so far from about 2 years ago. Hearing that meant a lot, since sometimes I don't really see my progress, or maybe I don't want to accept my progress, because that would be admitting that I was "broken" at one point of time, and I don't think anybody wants to think of themselves as not whole, it's almost a shameful thing to admit. Sometimes I am so messed up in my thinking, but I am so aware of it, and that makes it so hard to live with. Sometimes I admire those who live in their little world and don't really get anything that goes on around them, things go right over their heads, it's like you have to hit them over the head to wake them up. But on the other side, I think that makes you a very poor person, poor on seeing your own value and the person you are meant to be. I think we all can use some improvement one way or the other, nobody is perfect, and certain things are just human nature, even though you know they aren't always the right thing to do.
Well I try everyday to improve my self, mostly for myself and for the better enjoyment of my life. Like my partner in crime said, "Live life like you are dying", make every day count. That's what I am trying to do, some days are easier then others. But that's ok too.